The Struggle: Religion

Yesturday in church.... i felt like the biggest odd ball like. I didnt crack open a hymn book, nor the bible, nor did i bow my head for prayer. I did go up for communion even tho i didnt want to. I feel so bad :(. My whole fam is big on this religion shit and I am not. Just because I simply dont condone organized religion. And I believe it is the root of all evil.
Yes i consider myself a spiritual person. meaning I have morals, and follow the golden rule (isnt that pretty much karma?) . But I am going to coin myself as Christian by Association. Because i was pretty much thrown (born) into the whole mess. But now later on in life, its causing me much distress. Like I need to speak to someone quickly, I'm literally gonna abandoned the cause. AHHH my grandfather my come haunt me or something. But i just don't get it any more. I want to believe, but my love for the scientific word has over powered what little faith I had. I'm not atheist, I do believe in God.... umm I believe in a higher power.

Check it...EVOLUTION is what's real. I could not not believe it if i wanted to. And personally i think it is just ignorance to say evolution does not happen. If one has such strong faith, why cant u just say OK. and not try to disprove evolutionary theory. Cuz like its not going to happen. creationism cannot be proven unless someone discovers a perfectly preserved body of a male or female with NO belly button. lol Or at least find something, Noah's Arc....The Ark of Covenant...salt pillars lol SOMETHING... then maybe I well return back to my beginnings. But until then Neandarthals and Cro-Magnon is whats up lol

O yea. So there is a confirmation class* at my church taking place. I remember doing that mess but I take it all back. Change my mind. Withdrawal of membership and cancel my subscription. As they were explaining the concept of confirmation classes.... they said "these children are doing this own there own"... I'm like i dont remember having a choice. Or i was probably just to scared to say HELL NO I AINT DOING THIS SHIT lol

But yea.... I was watching Joel Olsteen one morning and he mentioned the thing where if ur ancestors were good Christian folk the blessing are like sprinkled down generation to generation. Something like that...I think that whats happening to me i guess. I dont really like the word blessing tho. When I say my WHOLE fam is like strong christians thats an understatement. But if that concept holds true... i just fucked up my future prosperity haha

mayb i should really read up on Buddhism. But not as a religion just spiritual guidance :D